Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
