Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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