Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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