His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
