I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
