Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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