Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
