Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
