Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
