ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
