After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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