you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
