i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
