is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
