Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
