either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
