she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
my liver is dry heaving
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
