Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
