I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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