all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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