if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
