i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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