would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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