dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
no, he came in my armpit
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
