If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
