so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
