And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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