So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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