Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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