i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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