I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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