she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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