you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
