I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
