youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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