I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
