that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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