She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
