At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
