Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
