I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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