Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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