hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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