he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
