this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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