It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
