I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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