A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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