we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
