The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
