I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
